Blackwolf the Dragonmaster's Diary of Magecraft

Being a Chronicle of the Inner Secrets of, and Spells of Magick as Wielded by, the Philosopher of the Internet and Unofficial Sorcerer-in-Residence of the City of New York

Name: Master Blackwolf
Location: New York, New York, United States

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Unexpected Comedy, Expected Wizard: Blackwolf @ Comix

I have little if any doubt that my presence in New York has had a history of giving certain Mortals 'the funiiest looks,' but as the crew of the comedy club Comix now realize, laughter can come from the most unexpected places. Last night, in case you don't know, Liam McEneaney hosted an evening of comedy entitled "Tell Your Friends: We'll Kick Cancer's Butt!," the idea, as you have now just discovered, being to raise funds for the Leukemia/Lymphona Society of America. As Fate (and the High Istari, of course) would have it, Robert Smigel and dearest Poopstar --- a/k/a Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog --- were among those Liam had asked to show up. And, no doubt, one element was missing from the silliness. That, as you may also have guessed by now, was yours truly, your dear and humble Dragonmaster.

Smigel and moi spent all of yesterday morning e-mailing ideas for our segment back and forth; I am proud to say that the resulting eight or so minutes had the crowd in stitches. It almoost didn't happen, though, because at first the manager and bouncer could not imagine that a fellow with a big Apple.com backpack on top of him could in fact be no less than New York's Unofficial Wizard. Well, I ended up having to take my costume and robes out of the bag in question (a rather self-humiliating experience, I must say); but by the time Smigs showed his face, matters were smoothly ironed out, and before long we were led backstage.

Now, meeting up with Caroline Rhea, John Oliver, Kristen Schaal, Todd Barry and Eddie Brill --- I have to say these good people know the healing power of laughter! A few musical interludes were provided by the members of A Brief View of the Hudson, a delicious new local group; and Jessica Flores was the event co-producer.

For my segment with the fresh hound, we settled on a slightly twisted remake of "Cats are Cunts" from the Come Poop w/Me album. Given how fast Robert and I whipped our script into proper shape, I would like to say we might have beaten Conan O'Brien at his own game! My only wish, though, was that someone had bothered to film the event, or at least, put the thing on YouTube; as it turned out, the Comix folks charge you $32 if you want a DVD of your segment. (Cash or credit card only, please.) Anywho, maybe now, the Comix folks will be a bit nicer to this foolish old Mage. Hell, I may even let them invite me to their next evening! (Heh-heh!)

I can't wrap up this latest entry in my fabulous Diary of Magecraft without acknowledging a fact that I have wrestled with for some time now. With my adventures at Comix having properly concluded, I can now let it out: Your Dragonmaster is at war with Wikipedia.

For some time after my various adventures with Triumph, I soon found myself, if only briefly, on the free encyclopedia of the Web, Wikipedia. I mean, c'mon: the fresh hound and the Come Poop w/Me album get Wikipedia entries; then, after a while, the higher-ups at Wiki think I'm not even cool enough to merit an entry into their little online rag? Well, lemme just say this about that:

Why you Wikitwits even decided to delete me from your bloomin' rag is beyond me. I hear our sister site, KringleQuest, has been de-listed from Wiki's entry for Santa Claus: The Movie (which was also Master Richard's idea!). Well, it becomes apparent that somebody doesn't wanna play nice with your Dragonmaster. And, as ever, you know it ain't a great idea to be on Blackwolf's bad side. I have very long memories of those who have dared to do me wrong; and you know, too, that I make a big deal about it if I have to!

And if you are interested in learning my full backstory, the website NationMaster.com was able to salvage bits and pieces from the original Wiki article I'd written for meself. Here's the link:

www.nationmaster.com/encyclopedia/Blackwolf-the-Dragonmaster

Master Blackwolf

Monday, December 07, 2009

Diary of Magecraft, Post #465: So long, you insane decade!

With this, my 465th missive in this Diary of Magecraft, I come to terms now with the end of a maniacal year, and certainly an even more maniacal decade! 'Tis 5 inna morning as I type this; I imagine I'm gonna have a lot to scribble! But Master Richard, my Mortal-born alter ego, has been through much this year, Yahoo!, Inc. deciding to shut down GeoCities and leave the lad scrambling; Disney buys Marvel Comics; AOL practically on its last legs and so forth. And what hath thy Dragonmaster to show for it?

Oh, who bloomin' knows? I have nothing important to link to at the moment, but I'll think of something....

Master Blackwolf

Monday, November 23, 2009

Taking on the unexpected.... and surviving!

While on one of my rare outdoor excursions yesterday, I unexpectedly experienced a bit of a winkout. I was at a Barnes & Noble bookstore, as I needed to do a little bit of catching up, as there were items I had not yet properly taken a look at. One of these was the new coffee-table chronicle celebrating Sesame Street's 40th Anniversary. Well, I was right in the middle of reading a particular chapter when I unexpectedly and unintentionally blacked out!

You Mortals have no idea what it's like experiencing a physical blackout as I did! It's shocking, dangerous and, frankly, frightening to say the least! I'll spare you the horrible details; suffice it to say, I ended up recuperating for about an hour in a nearby Starbucks before I considered myself capable of moving on again. I then spent the rest of the afternoon at Borders in Time Warner Center, before returning home.

Captain MacLeod at No Quarter Given Magazine is a bit concerned about the status of Pirates Magazine, as am I. Cap'n Slappy, co-founder of Talk Like a Pirate Day, writes a "Pirattitude" column for that publication, and naturally, his most recent such column was an interview with dear Master Richard. MacLeod and Richard are both asking: "When's the next issue of Pirates Magazine gonna come out?" Methinks I shall have to e-mail Cap'n Slappy and find out for meself what's going on.

Master Blackwolf

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Today's Guest Blogger: Santa Claus!

Ho-ho-ho!

Greetings, Christmas fans! Santa Claus here!

Well, my schedule is pretty much cast in stone between now and next July: parades in New York, Chicago, Hollywood, El Cajon, California, Detroit, Philadelphia --- and in between, I got the National Christmas Tree to light up (and this year, WETA/Washington, D.C. is musclin' in on C-Span's act and re-staging the thing as an hour-long PBS special [Damn pledge drive nonsense!]!).

And as if that's not weird enough, Macy*s has me hopping on a bus to visit 25 cities in 25 days for this National Believe Day Tour; and then, I have a few days off before I do CNN's Larry King Live. After that, I network with my NORAD team in Colorado Springs; followed by another couple days off so I can let the Rose Bowl people do their thing..... and finally, two big off-season parties, one in Anaheim, California, the other in Gatlinburg, Tennessee ---- and by the time I'm ready to call it a day once and for all, it'll be time to worry about Bakken in Denmark again --- because that's the 2010 World Santa Claus Congress!

Boy, there's still no rest for this Jolly Old Elf! (Whew!) I just hope I have enough time this season to make sense of it all! In the meantime, as always.....

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!

Forever and always,

Santa

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Naughty Stormchaser!

There seem to be days when your own blarsted laptop just does not want to play nice, by Merlin's beard! For the last --- oh, I dunno: four hours! --- I've been trying to post a few thoughts hither, not to mention the fact that Maroon the Shantyman of The Bilge Pumps has alerted me to two items of note: The band is effectively quitting the Texas Renaissance Festival (clearly, Maroon's Buccaneer's Blog can explain it a lot more properly than I can do hither); and also, that the owners of Scarlettt the Fox's Midwinter Renaissance Festival have shut the event down permanently. Now, I need to delete the link over at http://www.dragonmasternewyork.webs.com --- but the problem is, I can't bloody access the damn thing, let alone my Yahoo! e-mail.

Yes, kids, this be one of those days where you just wanna spank your laptop! Oh yeah, did I mention that my Facebook presence is likewise going bonkers this day?

Drat! Drat!! DRAT!!!!!!!!

Friday, November 06, 2009

Dispatch from Dun Morogh and Ironforge, with His Majesty, King Magni Bronzebeard!

Greetings, World of WarCraft fans!

King Magni Bronzebeard of Dun Morogh and Ironforge here! Long time, no post!

Well, while the rest of the Planet has been going bonkers, from a wild and crazy election in New York City and in Trenton, New Jersey, to those wild and crazy Yankees winning their 27th World Series Championship (they're partying hearty in City Hall Park in Lower Manhattan even as I type!), here at Blizzard HQ in beautiful, downtown Irvine, California, we've been makin' a few significant changes, most of 'em involving our other main Internet presence, Battle.net. Here's the deal:

If you plan on stayin' with us here in the World, you need to merge your World of WarCraft account into a Battle.net account before Veteran's Day, November 11th, 2009. Afterwards, ya gotta log into the World with a Battle.net username and password, so that we can recognize ya and stuff. Hey, look at it this way: I've had to do this with my Throne Room a good many times in the past, kids; it's a piece of cake, and we all need to worry about periods of adjustment at one time in our lives or another.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, we got our very own Magazine now, too! You don't need to guess what it's called: World of WarCraft --- The Magazine! It's published four times a year, we don't take ads, and every issue is nothin' but 148 pages full of news, art, tall tales, game pointers, events in the Blizzard world --- in short, everything you wanna know, we got it for ya! And you can only get it by subscribing at the website. So do yourself a favor: get off your butt and get started. You can handle it! You know you wanna!

Well, enough of my hairy mouth! Gotta go hop back onto my Throne, where I can sit on my Royal Butt and chill out, the way we Dwarves love to do! Catch ya later, Dwarf-lovin' dudes and dudettes!

Faithfully yours,

Bronzie

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Missive #460

Greetings to you all again, Mortals!

Well, here we are at Missive #460 in this, my fabulous Diary of Magecraft --- putting ol' Blackwolf a few steps or so closer to Missive #500! So, I hope you had fun reading King Neptune's comments. Maybe now the Yankees will stop yelling about how they're still the best expletive deleted baseball team in the world, and let this foolish old goat --- that would be me --- go back to sleep!

Meanwhile, as I'm sure most of you know, my Mortal-born alter ego, Master Richard, has had to have a bit of surgery done on his eyelid. Let me tell you the lad survived said surgery, even if little if any anaesthesia was administered to him. The next few weeks and months, however, will have a profound impact on Master Richard's well-being; there may be some interference with one or two of the lad's plans for the month. So I must ask for your indulgence and your patience, even as I assist the boy in administering to his well-being.

And to my fellow Champions of the Imagination:

Thor, Thoth, Ryleh, Bunnyman, Clisto, Merdwin, Raymond --- and yes, you, too, Naked Cowboy: I've not forgotten any of you. You need only know that this foolish old Mage is back in ye olde saddle --- somewhat --- and shall be cooling it for the balance of the winter, until I've had my face properly restored to its former glory. And please, dearest Raymond, update your Royal Bookmarks, for GeoCities lives no more! You may now bug me by visiting DragonmasterNewYork.webs.com!

Well, enough nonsense! There's a lot for me to do --- and hopefully, I can do it before the end of the year! Do let's get on with it!

Master Blackwolf

From His Oceanic Majesty, King Neptune:

Greetings, Surface-dwellers! Neptunus Rex, King of the Oceans here --- and, needless to say, my gloatfest of old is over! No doubt your beloved New York Yankees have granted your every wish, and therefore, as of last night, have secured their sought-after 27th World Championship! Aargh!

As you can pretty much imagine, I have had to adapt my normal Neptunish regalia, trusty trident and all, to reflect the said Championship. Doubtless Blackwolf the Dragonmaster is a happy camper as far as that goes .... oh, waitaminnit, I forgot: the Mage of Talisker is worrying about that young Surface-dweller who purports to be his alter ego. I hear he went in for some sort of fixer-upper on his face, or so Blackwolf said....

Ah, who am I kiddin'? Let's tell the truth here. Even I, King Neptune, found myself cheering those Bronx Bombers on. Who am I, then, to deny that lot their well-earn'd happy ending? All is forgiven, therefore! Bygones are thus declared bygones! Besides, I'm losing enough sleep as it is with expletive deleted Al Gore writing another book about global warming. Could someone please get some people together over at Warner Bros. Studios and do Time Warner Presents the Earth Day Special 2? Next spring would be preferable.

Oh, well... see you guys at the Maine Lobster Festival next August! Either that, or else maybe with my Royal Court in Tampa/St. Petersburg, Florida at Gasparilla in February!

Best of love,

Neptunus Rex, King of the Oceans